Daulat Najib!

Daulat Najib! I'm so sick of the Agong the sultans and their incessant demand! Why are there so many royalty in Malaysia! All nine of them! I want to get rid of them all! All you need is just one. ME! By getting rid of the Agongs the Sultans, I get more money as well! which means more girls and C4 for me. Isn't that a great idea? What does Agong and Sultans ever do? They only know how to get money from me and use it buy this and that. They sleep in their palaces all day long and do nothing. Lucky the Perak one has some use, at least he listen to me and kick out PR there. But if I'm Agong, I would have done the same. Don't need someone else to do the kicking. I will kick all PR MBs, speakers out in all states. And on top of that I save money. Money money money.

The monarchy in Malaysia are a bunch of useless bums that sits around all day doing nothing. I will get rid of them, and install myself as the only Agongs in Malaysia. This way, you don't have to say Daulat Tuanku anymore, people would just have to say Daulat Najib. See, I even have a mock up picture prepared. Don't I look handsome? Especially the big dagger on my waist. Plus I can raise the big dagger anytime I want now. All I have to do is prepare a Koran in there as well, then I can swear on it anytime as well. All is good and well after I get rid of the monarchies. All nine of them. Lets see how Anwar can dismiss me when I'm Agong. Stupid guy, he doesn't even know he is doomed to be send back to Kamunting soon. Daulat NAJIB!

Wanted DEAD or ALIVE!

This is RPK's wanted poster, I want hm in jail! The fact is I don't know where he is! Why I let him go in the first place ah ? I should have jailed his arse to the wall in Kamunting and never let him out. Now he keeps writing about me in that blog of his. My special branch police told me he is in Brisbane. But they also say say only, just like when they are send to blow up that Mongolian girl. special branch all bodoh lah, only know how to take kopi money only. I should have listened to Dr M about not letting him out. Anyway, I got his son in jail now, just wait till I instruct my people to torture him in jail. Then I allow him to mysteriousely able to call home and beg for his daddy to come save him. Then, I can jail RPK and nail his ass to the WALL! He insulted my big fat Rosmah and me so many time. Its about time I get him. Lets see who goes to hell first, him or me. I'll have my last laugh with my bag of C4 ready.

Anyone that has information about RPK should contact the nearest police station. Reward of a post in my own personal cabinet, sitting beside Dr M in the special council is also provided. If you don't like the lime light, any post in the judicial is also available, as well as any government post and civil service is also available. On top of that, the nation's coffers is also available to be given. Just don't expect me to fork out any extra from the money I've already taken.

So angry with MACC

Today I have a meeting with MACC about the PKFTZ report. I was so angry with what they wrote that I threw a chair at the MACC guy. These people are such ingrats, worst then anjing, I feed them so many money yet they write a stupid report that says I'm involved in it. I threw the chair so hard it broke the door to my office. I very Marah now with MACC. Stupid PAK LAH, know how to sleep only, before leave putrajaya form this stupid MACC. No need lah, we control everything, form what MACC lah, we all corrupted, all take money. Form MACC only more headache only. Lucky, MACC report to me, so I can preview the report they write before release. At least sleepy head has some sense not to make it independent. Looks like I would have to spend more time with thai hookers in order to lower my blood pressure. Nothing like a few girls in the bed to calm me down. Where are my GIRLS!!!! I don't want to throw more chairs. 

Penanti By-election

Many people in the big dagger organisation has been asking me about the Penanti by-election. Why UMNO is not going to contest it. Is it because we are afraid? Is it because we can't win it? These people have nothing better to do then to simply say things. Where got I'm afraid to lose. Look, we won a by-election in east malaysia. Means we can win again, just read my blog entry lah. Bodoh punya these people. I have to remind myself to jail them if they make remarks like this again. See the reason why UMNO is not going for the Penanti by-election is we have no MONEY, or rather, I want to spend the money on girls lah. You think by-elections are cheap ah. The Anwar PP by-election cost me how many millions already. Why waste all the money on some stupid by-election where I can get so many girls in Thailand. I can stay in Thailand for a few months with that kind of money versus using it for a few days in some stupid by-election. These people don't know anything about economics also. Got this thing called the Great Financial Crisis happening now. Why spend money? If PR wants to spend money let them spend loh. All I have to do is get some "independant" to go for the election is enough. Let them use their own money. 

Perak Najib

So many things happened over the past month. Rosmah getting fatter, as usual, RPK writing more articles about me and the capture of Perak. First of all I want to clarify to all my UMNO fans about Perak. Its all engineered by Dr M. Yes you heard it, Dr M is actually the one that started all this. I'm only just following his instructions. Where do I have all the time to go about convincing people to jump here jump there. Too complicated for me lah. Plus I need my time to travel to Thailand for my escorts, massages there.

Anyway, in order not to allow people to have the wrong perception that Dr M actually is telling me what to do, I have to go and visit the Agong, and make it looks like I'm the one behind. How come I'm PeeM I still have to visit them? they should come to PutraJaya to come see me instead. Don't they know I'm the most powerful man in Malaysia now? The Rakyat is also dumb when they say I want to takeover Perak. Aiyah, why would I want to take over Perak lah, Perak also don't have anything. All jungles there, so many mosquitoes, so many trees. I'll rather stay in my palace in PutraJaya. Every room got air-con, when I need girl, I get girl, when I want money, people give me money. Going to Perak, I have to give people money.

So these PR people, still refuses to acknowledged now Perak has become Perak Najib. After one month, they still say their MB is the legal MB. What lah, these people, I ordered the police to throw their speaker out the door already and they still say they own Perak. Its Perak Najib now, I repeat. Not PR's Perak, its Perak Najib. So I agreed to talk to Anwar, and see what he has to say. If he still refuses to say Perak Najib, I will ask botak to issue ISA him and all the PR people that refuses to acknowledge Perak Najib. No need election lah, you know how much I spend everytime there is an election let alone a state election. Arresting Anwar would solve all this talk of an election in Perak.

Uno Malaysia?

So many things happened since my last post. I did not even know people can write comment here. I thought Dr M say people won't know its me, so I asked him how come got people leave comments. Dr M say these are UMNO people, he told them about this blog so leave some comments. They are my fans.  I feel much better now that the Big Dagger organisation got people reading my post. 

People are funny, I said one Malaysia and they add a black in the middle. What One Black Malaysia? Malaysia Negara Islam, I wield the big dagger so many time in UMNO why people still say black? Malaysia is not Negara Afrika lah. Bodoh lah these people. Why they don't called it One Najib Malaysia sounds nicer lah. If they start calling it one Najib Malaysia I'll give them money. Better spend on giving people that tries to promote my name then waste on all this project. Can stimulate the economy also. Since also not my money also. 

Anyway, I told botak to tangkap the Wong guy. This way people will know I'm seriouse. Have to remind myself next time just add my name Najib in the middle all my slogan to remind people who is in charge. Like Perak Najib, Serembang Najib, Kuala Najib Lumpur. Maybe I go talk to Dr M see can change the N in UMNO to Najib also. United Malay Najib Organisation. Has a nice ring to it as well. All the Malay united under me, because I wield the Big Dagger so many times and swear on the Koran so many times also.

Next post: I talk about Perak Najib. So many things happening there. Stay tuned .....

We WON!!!

Yes, finally I won a by-election. All thanks to east Malaysia again. Who says the Rakyat rejected UMNO? UMNO still strong, and will win more election. I become PeeM and immediately we won an election. This shows I am the right man for the job. Nevermind those people that keep chanting Mongolia! Mongolia! Mongolia! Next time they will chant my name. Najib! Najib! Najib! Maybe I should institute a law for people to shout Najib! Najib! Najib! when I'm around. People that don't do that, ISA of course. I can also "release" them when they have "repented" in Kamunting just like the 13 I released. 

I think I should lower the education level of Malaysia even further, especially peninsula's. Easier to bride people with instant noodles then giving out cash all the time. How else am I going to save for my trips to Thailand? With more idiots in Malaysia, that doesn't know they are being disadvantaged, we will surely win for another 50 years. Should also make more people beg for their basic rights as well, that way comes another election all we have to do is show some form of token gesture, and they will fall in line. 

The Fake Najib Manifesto

I, FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak, will use the name of Allah and Malay supremacy to continue to discriminate, terrorise and plunder all peace loving, citizens of Malaysia. I will pretend, in the name of defending the supremancy of the Malay rights, to award government contracts to companies that are owned by my family and friends. This is the solemn promise I made to my late father. Which engineered the brilliant NEP so that me and my cronies can earn a lot of money out of it.

Under the guise of defending Malay supremacy, I would receive kickbacks and use the money to hire escorts and prostitutes. I will not sleep and flip-flop like old man Abdullah when I am PeeM, because I'm a tiger in bed and nothing can stop me. Not even Minah, which threatened to expose our love child. I would endeavor to have enough C4 kept, so that if this situation arises again, I can have the body blown up just like the last. I will defend this to the last drop of my blood. I will carry out my responsibility without any influences from other country, except Thailand, which I would visit for my regular exercises.

I would also swear regularly on the Koran just to make sure that the people of Malaysia believe me. Like they say, Allah is all mightiful and merciful, so swearing on the Koran would grant me power to make everyone believe what I said. In case this doesn't work, I would also hold regular Hindu rituals, with Semi-value as the big headed hindu priest in the ceremony. Having a big head with FAKE hair would ensure that the hindu ritual would work for me.

I promise to setup a Council of Presidential Advisors, which will be headed by Dr M, that I will listen to without any hesitation. Dr M has shown time and time again he is the smartest and knows everything there is to know. I won't make the mistake of not listening to him like last time when he asked me to kick out old man Abdullah.

I will also impose my authority on the whole country so that the big DAGGER organisation can return to its rightful place, the only political party in Malaysia. I will acheive this by kicking Anwar's butt with Saiful's.

Finally, I would lie, cheat, threaten, accuse, terrorise anyone that would stand in my way in plundering as much money as I can from the Rakyat.

Yours Sincerely,
FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak

Why no money??

FakeNajib: " We are not getting enough money!!"

Dr M: " Why? I thought you had enough from the submarine deals? Did you not already killed off Minah? Plus you will be PeeM soon, you can always create another company and get all your money there via contracts from the government."

FakeNajib: " No no , the chinese are leaving!!! They are taking all their money with them!"

Dr M: "What??? Vincent Tan and MCA is leaving? How can that be? We feed them with whatever contracts we don't want. Thoese ingrats! Remind me to publish more photos of MCA people in compromising position."

FakeNajib: " Not only MCA, all the chinese are leaving!! How are we going to get the money from them! Dr M you said before 90% of the tax are paid by the chinese. How can I now rely on the rest to pay for my big expenses I have? I don't want to make so many trips to Thailand when I become PeeM!!! Flying an escorts from the US is not cheap you know! I'm not old man Abdullah that sleeps all day, I need my exercises in bed!"

Dr M: "Hmmm that is worrying. How else can we get money? We can't possibly ask the UMNO people to not take as much anymore. With Mr A looking for defectors, we need to give them more. Plus, we already increase the price of petrol and Petronas won't give us more."

FakeNajib:" I think we have to tell Hisha to stop waving the dagger so much. It could help."

Dr M:" Nah, Hisha is mad I tell you. Everytime a dagger reaches his hand he just has to take it out and wave it. I tried telling him a lot of time not to, but he refuses to listen to me. That man is out of his mind."

FakeNajib:" What else can we do!? Start hugging and shaking hands with the chinese? I don't want to get babi on my hands and face you know, its Haram! I'm not like Nizar that goes around doing that, look where he is now? Some smelly kampung, I kicked his butt out of Perak! What happens if I have to swear on the koran again!? Allah can smell it a thousand mile away, and he is the most merciful and mighty they say."

Dr M: "Ok I'll talk to MCA and see if we can get some money off them while we sort this out."

FakeNajib:" No use, most MCA already has visa in US,UK, Australia. They already moved the money we gave them overseas. Even old man Abdullah has a mansion in Perth to sleep in !"

Dr M:" Don't worry I have a plan if the chinese leave."

FakeNajib:" Oh what is it? Tell me !!"

Dr M: "We will get another group to pay for your trips."

FakeNajib: "You mean the Indians? Are you mad? They are all drunks and hooligans. Look what they did to Sami. Plus they are poorer then the chinese!"

Dr M: "No no FakeNajib, we will get the non-UMNO malay to pay more. Like PAS, PKR people, that way you can have your trip to Thailand. As long as they are not UMNO we can get money off them."

I tell you, that Dr M is a smart guy. He can think of anything to get money.  They don't call him a doctor for no reason. Problem solved.

Dr M

Just finish talking to Dr M. He asked me how is the Blog going, I said I have already posted the first post. He said "Good, now remember Najib, if you add a fake in front of the blog no one will know its you. No one in this whole intraweb thingy will see it also. And you can write anything you want." That Dr M is a very smart person, I always listen to what he says. Only that time when he ask me to kick old man Abdullah out of putrajaya I did not listen. If not, I can PeeM faster. Rosmah would also be happier, no need to get scolded all that time also. Aiyah, how I know, I scared mah, got so many problem that time, have to get organise Saiful to penetrate Mr A, also have to handle Mr B's problem. Sigh, Minah Minah, good in bed, but so many problem afterwards. Next time I just go Thailand find girl on the street easier. No need all this bullshit, hire assasin there cheaper also. C4 also not cheap you know, looks like I have to save up for all this PR PAS people also. Where got enough C4. Hmmmm maybe can increase the defence budget when I move into PutraJaya. Might have to stock up on it real soon.

My 1st Blog.

After winning the big DAGGER election. These irritating foreign journalist keeps asking me about minah. For Allah Sake... how many times must I say I don't know her so that people will stop asking that question. I think I should consult with "botak" see if we can use ISA to arrest them.

Old Man Abdullah has it easy. Always sleep on the job. He impotent lah, so no need a woman all the time. I'm still in my prime, too bad Rosah so fat now. Aiyah, I better go phone up Mahatir, see if he has any idea how to expand Putrajaya before I move in. Talk to you suckers in Malaysia soon.