The Fake Najib Manifesto

I, FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak, will use the name of Allah and Malay supremacy to continue to discriminate, terrorise and plunder all peace loving, citizens of Malaysia. I will pretend, in the name of defending the supremancy of the Malay rights, to award government contracts to companies that are owned by my family and friends. This is the solemn promise I made to my late father. Which engineered the brilliant NEP so that me and my cronies can earn a lot of money out of it.

Under the guise of defending Malay supremacy, I would receive kickbacks and use the money to hire escorts and prostitutes. I will not sleep and flip-flop like old man Abdullah when I am PeeM, because I'm a tiger in bed and nothing can stop me. Not even Minah, which threatened to expose our love child. I would endeavor to have enough C4 kept, so that if this situation arises again, I can have the body blown up just like the last. I will defend this to the last drop of my blood. I will carry out my responsibility without any influences from other country, except Thailand, which I would visit for my regular exercises.

I would also swear regularly on the Koran just to make sure that the people of Malaysia believe me. Like they say, Allah is all mightiful and merciful, so swearing on the Koran would grant me power to make everyone believe what I said. In case this doesn't work, I would also hold regular Hindu rituals, with Semi-value as the big headed hindu priest in the ceremony. Having a big head with FAKE hair would ensure that the hindu ritual would work for me.

I promise to setup a Council of Presidential Advisors, which will be headed by Dr M, that I will listen to without any hesitation. Dr M has shown time and time again he is the smartest and knows everything there is to know. I won't make the mistake of not listening to him like last time when he asked me to kick out old man Abdullah.

I will also impose my authority on the whole country so that the big DAGGER organisation can return to its rightful place, the only political party in Malaysia. I will acheive this by kicking Anwar's butt with Saiful's.

Finally, I would lie, cheat, threaten, accuse, terrorise anyone that would stand in my way in plundering as much money as I can from the Rakyat.

Yours Sincerely,
FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak