The Fake Najib Manifesto

I, FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak, will use the name of Allah and Malay supremacy to continue to discriminate, terrorise and plunder all peace loving, citizens of Malaysia. I will pretend, in the name of defending the supremancy of the Malay rights, to award government contracts to companies that are owned by my family and friends. This is the solemn promise I made to my late father. Which engineered the brilliant NEP so that me and my cronies can earn a lot of money out of it.

Under the guise of defending Malay supremacy, I would receive kickbacks and use the money to hire escorts and prostitutes. I will not sleep and flip-flop like old man Abdullah when I am PeeM, because I'm a tiger in bed and nothing can stop me. Not even Minah, which threatened to expose our love child. I would endeavor to have enough C4 kept, so that if this situation arises again, I can have the body blown up just like the last. I will defend this to the last drop of my blood. I will carry out my responsibility without any influences from other country, except Thailand, which I would visit for my regular exercises.

I would also swear regularly on the Koran just to make sure that the people of Malaysia believe me. Like they say, Allah is all mightiful and merciful, so swearing on the Koran would grant me power to make everyone believe what I said. In case this doesn't work, I would also hold regular Hindu rituals, with Semi-value as the big headed hindu priest in the ceremony. Having a big head with FAKE hair would ensure that the hindu ritual would work for me.

I promise to setup a Council of Presidential Advisors, which will be headed by Dr M, that I will listen to without any hesitation. Dr M has shown time and time again he is the smartest and knows everything there is to know. I won't make the mistake of not listening to him like last time when he asked me to kick out old man Abdullah.

I will also impose my authority on the whole country so that the big DAGGER organisation can return to its rightful place, the only political party in Malaysia. I will acheive this by kicking Anwar's butt with Saiful's.

Finally, I would lie, cheat, threaten, accuse, terrorise anyone that would stand in my way in plundering as much money as I can from the Rakyat.

Yours Sincerely,
FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak

Why no money??

FakeNajib: " We are not getting enough money!!"

Dr M: " Why? I thought you had enough from the submarine deals? Did you not already killed off Minah? Plus you will be PeeM soon, you can always create another company and get all your money there via contracts from the government."

FakeNajib: " No no , the chinese are leaving!!! They are taking all their money with them!"

Dr M: "What??? Vincent Tan and MCA is leaving? How can that be? We feed them with whatever contracts we don't want. Thoese ingrats! Remind me to publish more photos of MCA people in compromising position."

FakeNajib: " Not only MCA, all the chinese are leaving!! How are we going to get the money from them! Dr M you said before 90% of the tax are paid by the chinese. How can I now rely on the rest to pay for my big expenses I have? I don't want to make so many trips to Thailand when I become PeeM!!! Flying an escorts from the US is not cheap you know! I'm not old man Abdullah that sleeps all day, I need my exercises in bed!"

Dr M: "Hmmm that is worrying. How else can we get money? We can't possibly ask the UMNO people to not take as much anymore. With Mr A looking for defectors, we need to give them more. Plus, we already increase the price of petrol and Petronas won't give us more."

FakeNajib:" I think we have to tell Hisha to stop waving the dagger so much. It could help."

Dr M:" Nah, Hisha is mad I tell you. Everytime a dagger reaches his hand he just has to take it out and wave it. I tried telling him a lot of time not to, but he refuses to listen to me. That man is out of his mind."

FakeNajib:" What else can we do!? Start hugging and shaking hands with the chinese? I don't want to get babi on my hands and face you know, its Haram! I'm not like Nizar that goes around doing that, look where he is now? Some smelly kampung, I kicked his butt out of Perak! What happens if I have to swear on the koran again!? Allah can smell it a thousand mile away, and he is the most merciful and mighty they say."

Dr M: "Ok I'll talk to MCA and see if we can get some money off them while we sort this out."

FakeNajib:" No use, most MCA already has visa in US,UK, Australia. They already moved the money we gave them overseas. Even old man Abdullah has a mansion in Perth to sleep in !"

Dr M:" Don't worry I have a plan if the chinese leave."

FakeNajib:" Oh what is it? Tell me !!"

Dr M: "We will get another group to pay for your trips."

FakeNajib: "You mean the Indians? Are you mad? They are all drunks and hooligans. Look what they did to Sami. Plus they are poorer then the chinese!"

Dr M: "No no FakeNajib, we will get the non-UMNO malay to pay more. Like PAS, PKR people, that way you can have your trip to Thailand. As long as they are not UMNO we can get money off them."

I tell you, that Dr M is a smart guy. He can think of anything to get money.  They don't call him a doctor for no reason. Problem solved.

Dr M

Just finish talking to Dr M. He asked me how is the Blog going, I said I have already posted the first post. He said "Good, now remember Najib, if you add a fake in front of the blog no one will know its you. No one in this whole intraweb thingy will see it also. And you can write anything you want." That Dr M is a very smart person, I always listen to what he says. Only that time when he ask me to kick old man Abdullah out of putrajaya I did not listen. If not, I can PeeM faster. Rosmah would also be happier, no need to get scolded all that time also. Aiyah, how I know, I scared mah, got so many problem that time, have to get organise Saiful to penetrate Mr A, also have to handle Mr B's problem. Sigh, Minah Minah, good in bed, but so many problem afterwards. Next time I just go Thailand find girl on the street easier. No need all this bullshit, hire assasin there cheaper also. C4 also not cheap you know, looks like I have to save up for all this PR PAS people also. Where got enough C4. Hmmmm maybe can increase the defence budget when I move into PutraJaya. Might have to stock up on it real soon.

My 1st Blog.

After winning the big DAGGER election. These irritating foreign journalist keeps asking me about minah. For Allah Sake... how many times must I say I don't know her so that people will stop asking that question. I think I should consult with "botak" see if we can use ISA to arrest them.

Old Man Abdullah has it easy. Always sleep on the job. He impotent lah, so no need a woman all the time. I'm still in my prime, too bad Rosah so fat now. Aiyah, I better go phone up Mahatir, see if he has any idea how to expand Putrajaya before I move in. Talk to you suckers in Malaysia soon.