Daulat Najib!

Daulat Najib! I'm so sick of the Agong the sultans and their incessant demand! Why are there so many royalty in Malaysia! All nine of them! I want to get rid of them all! All you need is just one. ME! By getting rid of the Agongs the Sultans, I get more money as well! which means more girls and C4 for me. Isn't that a great idea? What does Agong and Sultans ever do? They only know how to get money from me and use it buy this and that. They sleep in their palaces all day long and do nothing. Lucky the Perak one has some use, at least he listen to me and kick out PR there. But if I'm Agong, I would have done the same. Don't need someone else to do the kicking. I will kick all PR MBs, speakers out in all states. And on top of that I save money. Money money money.

The monarchy in Malaysia are a bunch of useless bums that sits around all day doing nothing. I will get rid of them, and install myself as the only Agongs in Malaysia. This way, you don't have to say Daulat Tuanku anymore, people would just have to say Daulat Najib. See, I even have a mock up picture prepared. Don't I look handsome? Especially the big dagger on my waist. Plus I can raise the big dagger anytime I want now. All I have to do is prepare a Koran in there as well, then I can swear on it anytime as well. All is good and well after I get rid of the monarchies. All nine of them. Lets see how Anwar can dismiss me when I'm Agong. Stupid guy, he doesn't even know he is doomed to be send back to Kamunting soon. Daulat NAJIB!

Uno Malaysia?

So many things happened since my last post. I did not even know people can write comment here. I thought Dr M say people won't know its me, so I asked him how come got people leave comments. Dr M say these are UMNO people, he told them about this blog so leave some comments. They are my fans.  I feel much better now that the Big Dagger organisation got people reading my post. 

People are funny, I said one Malaysia and they add a black in the middle. What One Black Malaysia? Malaysia Negara Islam, I wield the big dagger so many time in UMNO why people still say black? Malaysia is not Negara Afrika lah. Bodoh lah these people. Why they don't called it One Najib Malaysia sounds nicer lah. If they start calling it one Najib Malaysia I'll give them money. Better spend on giving people that tries to promote my name then waste on all this project. Can stimulate the economy also. Since also not my money also. 

Anyway, I told botak to tangkap the Wong guy. This way people will know I'm seriouse. Have to remind myself next time just add my name Najib in the middle all my slogan to remind people who is in charge. Like Perak Najib, Serembang Najib, Kuala Najib Lumpur. Maybe I go talk to Dr M see can change the N in UMNO to Najib also. United Malay Najib Organisation. Has a nice ring to it as well. All the Malay united under me, because I wield the Big Dagger so many times and swear on the Koran so many times also.

Next post: I talk about Perak Najib. So many things happening there. Stay tuned .....

The Fake Najib Manifesto

I, FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak, will use the name of Allah and Malay supremacy to continue to discriminate, terrorise and plunder all peace loving, citizens of Malaysia. I will pretend, in the name of defending the supremancy of the Malay rights, to award government contracts to companies that are owned by my family and friends. This is the solemn promise I made to my late father. Which engineered the brilliant NEP so that me and my cronies can earn a lot of money out of it.

Under the guise of defending Malay supremacy, I would receive kickbacks and use the money to hire escorts and prostitutes. I will not sleep and flip-flop like old man Abdullah when I am PeeM, because I'm a tiger in bed and nothing can stop me. Not even Minah, which threatened to expose our love child. I would endeavor to have enough C4 kept, so that if this situation arises again, I can have the body blown up just like the last. I will defend this to the last drop of my blood. I will carry out my responsibility without any influences from other country, except Thailand, which I would visit for my regular exercises.

I would also swear regularly on the Koran just to make sure that the people of Malaysia believe me. Like they say, Allah is all mightiful and merciful, so swearing on the Koran would grant me power to make everyone believe what I said. In case this doesn't work, I would also hold regular Hindu rituals, with Semi-value as the big headed hindu priest in the ceremony. Having a big head with FAKE hair would ensure that the hindu ritual would work for me.

I promise to setup a Council of Presidential Advisors, which will be headed by Dr M, that I will listen to without any hesitation. Dr M has shown time and time again he is the smartest and knows everything there is to know. I won't make the mistake of not listening to him like last time when he asked me to kick out old man Abdullah.

I will also impose my authority on the whole country so that the big DAGGER organisation can return to its rightful place, the only political party in Malaysia. I will acheive this by kicking Anwar's butt with Saiful's.

Finally, I would lie, cheat, threaten, accuse, terrorise anyone that would stand in my way in plundering as much money as I can from the Rakyat.

Yours Sincerely,
FAKE Dato' Seri Mohd Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak

Why no money??

FakeNajib: " We are not getting enough money!!"

Dr M: " Why? I thought you had enough from the submarine deals? Did you not already killed off Minah? Plus you will be PeeM soon, you can always create another company and get all your money there via contracts from the government."

FakeNajib: " No no , the chinese are leaving!!! They are taking all their money with them!"

Dr M: "What??? Vincent Tan and MCA is leaving? How can that be? We feed them with whatever contracts we don't want. Thoese ingrats! Remind me to publish more photos of MCA people in compromising position."

FakeNajib: " Not only MCA, all the chinese are leaving!! How are we going to get the money from them! Dr M you said before 90% of the tax are paid by the chinese. How can I now rely on the rest to pay for my big expenses I have? I don't want to make so many trips to Thailand when I become PeeM!!! Flying an escorts from the US is not cheap you know! I'm not old man Abdullah that sleeps all day, I need my exercises in bed!"

Dr M: "Hmmm that is worrying. How else can we get money? We can't possibly ask the UMNO people to not take as much anymore. With Mr A looking for defectors, we need to give them more. Plus, we already increase the price of petrol and Petronas won't give us more."

FakeNajib:" I think we have to tell Hisha to stop waving the dagger so much. It could help."

Dr M:" Nah, Hisha is mad I tell you. Everytime a dagger reaches his hand he just has to take it out and wave it. I tried telling him a lot of time not to, but he refuses to listen to me. That man is out of his mind."

FakeNajib:" What else can we do!? Start hugging and shaking hands with the chinese? I don't want to get babi on my hands and face you know, its Haram! I'm not like Nizar that goes around doing that, look where he is now? Some smelly kampung, I kicked his butt out of Perak! What happens if I have to swear on the koran again!? Allah can smell it a thousand mile away, and he is the most merciful and mighty they say."

Dr M: "Ok I'll talk to MCA and see if we can get some money off them while we sort this out."

FakeNajib:" No use, most MCA already has visa in US,UK, Australia. They already moved the money we gave them overseas. Even old man Abdullah has a mansion in Perth to sleep in !"

Dr M:" Don't worry I have a plan if the chinese leave."

FakeNajib:" Oh what is it? Tell me !!"

Dr M: "We will get another group to pay for your trips."

FakeNajib: "You mean the Indians? Are you mad? They are all drunks and hooligans. Look what they did to Sami. Plus they are poorer then the chinese!"

Dr M: "No no FakeNajib, we will get the non-UMNO malay to pay more. Like PAS, PKR people, that way you can have your trip to Thailand. As long as they are not UMNO we can get money off them."

I tell you, that Dr M is a smart guy. He can think of anything to get money.  They don't call him a doctor for no reason. Problem solved.